The Slippers-written 12/22/08

There is something about surrounding yourself with the memories of a loved one. That is how I feel about a silly little pair of slippers that belonged to my grandma. It's been almost a year since she passed away but has been the FASTEST year of my life, which means that the loss still often feels fresh in my mind and heart. Maybe it's because this has been the first round of holiday's without her. But more likely it is because of many life changes and moments that I feel I haven't been able to really share with her. The slippers mean a lot to me. I mean, I received MANY things that she touched, wore, used, but for some reason, these little slippers are like a secret, small piece of her that aren't too flashy, flamboyant or questionable. They are just her!



I wore them in the hospital when Griffin was born. Griffin...the baby who was just barely during her funeral and may be part of the reason that I was such an emotional wreck for so much of that weekend. We didn't even know he was a speck that weekend, but I'm guessing she did! Griffin...the baby that when I found out the Sunday after getting home from her funeral, I cried even more out of joy and sadness both...feeling like she HAD to have known, feeling like he HAD to be a girl, feeling like he was most certainly to be named Eleanor Rose :) Imagine my surprise when we found out in May that she was NOT a she! The whole prospect made me feel disappointed for a moment but then I realized that I bet grandma was laughing about it, thinking "that little stinker!"



This morning, I'm thinking about the slippers a lot too. I decided to put them on after a quick shower while the baby is asleep. I feel confused this morning. I feel happy and proud that I'm cleaned up and the baby's resting and I have a little game plan for what to do for my day. I feel slightly sad and confused about this whole maternity leave thing, knowing that since last Tuesday when I lost my job, that this could turn into more or maybe I don't want it to turn into more. So, I showered, dried my hair, got dressed and saw those silly little purple slippers sitting on my dresser and thought "I need those on me today." They are my secret, supportive hug anytime I need them.