Some days, I don't know how to say it but honestly just want to apologize for myself. To my child and husband mostly. Work was typical but then we got this nasty storm starting about 2pm, and by the time I left work, a half hour early, even, traffic was awful. I had to call daycare to report my tardiness, which I always feel just awful about. Then found there was a stoplight out on the highway which caused most of my tardiness. Then, getting home a half hour late, I felt short fused about being in the wet snow, even though Peyton wanted to play in it, until 5 min in she decided she was wet and didn't like it. Then the dog wouldn't come in the house. Then Peyton kicked a wet boot on my khaki pants, which don't even matter at 6pm, but still it ticked me off. And I hollered and I made her cry, which made me want to crawl into a hole. Then the dog chewed up the 136th sippy cup while we were gone today so that made me mad. Then I felt irritated by the things Lane had left on the counter and no matter how much I knew I shouldn't say anything because it was just bitchy, I couldn't bite my tongue, and I feel like I totally attacked him when he walked in the door, also late after awful traffic. Then I got a sweet letter from my auntie Irene which made me cry, missing my grandma and missing her. Then I think Lane realized I was a hormonal wreck. We ordered Mexican and he ventured back out into the snow to get it and Peyton and I just get to wait here in our slippers. So for that level of sensitivity, I love him.
Some days I feel like a bad wife and mom with no tolerance or patience. But I know that's not the norm, we all have those days. I just need to try really hard to be better and make a point to remember how lucky I am and let Lane and Peyton know that they're treasured. We have so much to be thankful for, each other and more.
Life is too short to be a cranky mom. When I feel like this, I need food and probably an early bed time. That is...after some sweet, juicy 3yr old kisses and snuggles!
